2005-01-01 - 9:45 a.m.

Am happy to report (in style of Bridget Jones) that of the 10 resolutions made last year, 6 have been kept to one extent or the other (v.g.) Have indeed read more (mostly direct result of grad school), cooked more (AND for other people, v.v.g), danced more (Berkeley has cut down on this a bit, n.g.), kicked the eBay addiction, been a bit healthier (although last few days in California and time since in Texas have proven disastrous to that plan), and have not run the door at a New Year's music event (although, in fairness, this is an ongoing resolution). All in all, will count cooking resolution as greatest success and recommit to others in coming year, and on that note (and doing away with the Bridget Jonesisms) . . .

Presenting The Notorious RRZ's Resolutions for 2005:

1. I am going to do more activist work in Berkeley, and connect to the local radical communities so that I can maybe start developing the kind of community I've found here in Austin, the kind of community that tells me about the fabulous party at La Zona Rosa that I attended along with Shkbob, Anarchaspud, Pearljammer, Fag Hag, Fag Hag's Little Brother, and a lovely young queer woman who worked on the first show I did in Austin. I dances my ass off to salsa and cumbia and had the time of my life. It was one of the best times I've ever had on New Year's Eve. I hope it bodes well for the coming year, and this would never have happened without knowing the cool radicals who know the cool salsa bands. Also, this is a year when we'll need to be more vocal than ever about the shit that our clusterfuck of an administration is going to pull, so I need to get the low down on the good political action. I'm not necessarily going to do it through the university, though; a lot of the people I've met I've just wanted to give a good hard smack. I want to find the Rhizome's Berkeley branches. Ergo, resolution.

2. Okay, so I live in the queerest city in America. How have I not been to a gay bar yet? How have I not been out dancing all night? How have I not gotten in touch with queer rights activists and radical fairies and all those other groups that I wished had Austin branches for much of 2003 and 2004? Seriously, it is time to stop fucking around and time to start fucking around. So, getting out into the Bay Area queer community, preferably the kind full of gender fuckers and pomosexuals. I'll get on the queer burlesque dancer I know to show me around.

3. Okay, so this next one might sound better in theory than in practice, but ever since I visited Berkeley in the spring I've had this fantasy of me sitting in a beautiful park in San Francisco, doing my reading for a class and glancing up on occassion to people watch. I need to enact that fantasy this year, even if I get there and remember that I tend not to be comfortable on grass and that if there is people watching to be done, I will never get to my studies. However, I intend to try.

4. This next one is a big one. For this coming year, I really want to stop being a gossip. I've started to think about gossip the way I think about smoking: a filthy habit that does as much to hurt the people around you as it does to hurt yourself. I have feeling that gossip will be as hard to give up as cigarettes are for lifelong smokers. They say that if you start smoking before the age of 19, your chances of addiction are so high as to be certain, whereas if you wait until after 19, your chances are virtually nil ("they" being an old environmental studies professor I had). I've never smoked, but I started gossiping long before the age of 19, and I am hooked like it was heroin. If you've seen Mean Girls, I have a lot of Gretchen Wieners in me. My hair is so big because it is indeed full of secrets. I make no guarantees with this one, but I am going to try to learn to keep my big mouth shut. I figure that, in a profession like academia, it's good to be known as someone who can keep a secret; that's how you find out all the good ones. So, this year, the gossiping is now on the contraband list (but you didn't hear that from me).

5. Spend less money. Yeah, I'm not going into that one.

6. This year, I want to work towards developing a solo performance piece, full length even. As much as I may have wanted to do a solo piece before, I've never really felt that I could do one, because what on Earth would I have to say? Now, though, I'm starting to realize that I do have things to say that are worth saying, and that need to be performed. I know this sounds rather cryptic, but I don't want to jinx the project by revealing too much, but I will say that I read some criticism recently that made me realize that some stories require that a body be there to tell them. The good news is that I'm surrounded by brilliant performers and performance studies teachers, so I have plenty of people to consult with. Last night was the fourth anniversary of the passing of Lynda Hart, and while I've had an amazing time passing around her teachings to everyone, I think it's time I started using them for myself.

7. Okay, so: the health thing. I actually got a lot healthier for a while in Berkeley, and then I got sick and had finals and so therefore didn't want to stand up, let alone get into downward dog. But I need to start holding myself to a regime, and mixing up the exercise routine, and not eat so much dairy. This semester should prove ideal for this, because I will only have two days of classes regardless of the courses that I end up choosing (they all fall on Monday and Wednesday). I'll be turning 25 in a matter of days, and as old age comes upon me, I know that I have to start taking good care of myself. I'm not going to try to quantify this one or outline specifics--down that road lies madness--but I feel like five days of open schedule a week mean that I should get myself into good habits now, so that when summer hits and daily French classes along with it, I'll consider yoga a matter of course. Making my own lunches on those days that I have class might help as well, and they'll help with Resolution 5. Yeah, still not getting into that one.

8. This semester, I really let things slide in terms of keeping in contact with my friends from Penn. Not good at all. Sure, I was in grad school, but there were plenty of days when I could have called and didn't. If I need to schedule specific times to call, fine. I got to talk to Kidrin and Toss and Fathead Baby last night, all of whom I've missed a great deal. I love my Austin friends and my new Berkeley friends, but there's a reason why Neil Young's "Philadelphia" (particularly when sung by Tori Amos) always makes me cry: "I have my friends in the world. I had my friends when we were boys and girls, and the secrets came unfurled." These people knew me for some of the best years of my life. I can't lose them. So to all Penn peeps reading this, you're going to hear from me soon, whether by e-mail or phone. I miss you guys.

9. Todavia necesito mejorar mi espanol, pero tengo la autobiografia de Celia Cruz y unas novelas de Isabel Allende arriba en mi quarto. Me voy a empezar estos cuando todas mis amigos que estan durmiendo arriba se van de mi casa.

10. Finally, I am going to return to what I hope will be a New Year's resolution every year, even if it might not need to be: I'm going to dance more. There are some kick ass muthafuckin' dancers in my cohort, and I need to get them on the floor. I feel especially good about this one, though, because I heard once that the way you greet the New Year is the way you will spend it. I've convinced myself that this is true over the years, having thought about the great parties that led to fantastic years and the shitty ones that led to years from below Hell. This year, I managed to greet the New Year with some of my closest friends, dancing for a solid hour and a half to the best Latin music to be had in Austin. So my hope for this year is to spend it on my feet, no matter what the music or what the club.

It's a lot to do. However, I once again invoke the reprieve-until-my-birthday rule, effective for all those people smart enough to be born in January. So I'm off to spend money, air othr people's dirty laundry, and sit on my ass. I will also, as promised, be sending some money UNICEF's way as soon as I find my wallet (last night, a bit of a blur).

Happy New Year, everybody!

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