2004-06-16 - 10:35 p.m.

Presenting potential Joyce scholar Notorious RRZ's thoughts on what was neither the 100th anniversary of the publication of Ulysses nor the 100th anniversary of the birth of James Joyce, but in fact the 100th anniversary of the day on which Joyce chose to set the action of Ulysses (WARNING: Contains spoiler for the film Japanese Story starring Toni Collette):

12:01am

Good lord this is a stupid fucking movie. Why on Earth does Shkbob own Scary Movie 3? I really hope it was on sale. No, strike that, I hope someone gave it to her and promised to give her a dollar every day that she kept it for him. I mean who in the name of all that is holy wrote thi--oh, that alien just got hit in the BALLSHAHAHAHAHAHA!

12:26am

You know, considering the potential fallout that could have occurred from my moving Shkbob into her swanky new apartment, things went extraordinarily well. That only took a couple of hours. Well, not counting the trip to Target. Sorry, Tar-zhay. I need to write an entry about that when I get home tomorrow.

12:35am

Mmmmmm, bed. Sweet, delicious bed. Bed bed bed bed bed. I wonder if there's anything good on TV. Um, let's see, where's the remote. Windowsill . . . no. Bedside counter . . . no. Just tell me I didn't leave it . . . on the TV. Yep, folks, remote by the TV. Okay . . . soft core porn, no chance of dick, moving on. Hey I wanted to see this movie. Too bad it started. Never anything that starts when you want it. Oooooh, Matrix Reloaded. This will put me right to sleep.

1:07-4:26 am

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

4:27 am

Uhwuh wuh what time? What? Uh, have to pee.

4:32-10:14 am

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

10:15 am

Uhsuh mmmm . . . damn it I drooled again. I really hope that girl I stayed with at Duke got my drool off her futon. Well, I burned her a bunch of CDs, so she should be okay.

10:18 am

Damn it I forgot my toothbrush at home. I wonder if Mom has anything . . .

10:21 am

Dentyne Iiiiiiiiice. Sweet, sweet, refreshing Dentyne Iiiiiiiiiice.

10:26 am.

Okay, no food. What do I want?

10:27 am

La madeleine . . . going out. Need more Dentyne Iiiiiiiice.

10:28 am

Dentyne Iiiiiiiiiice.

10:30 am

Alright, what to listen to. Ozomatli is in the CD player. Ozomatli is staying in the CD player, because I can't find anything else.

10:42 am

Let me in letmeinLETMEIN YOU COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKING BASTARD FROM HELL I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!! KILL YOU!!!

10:43 am

I need to do something about road rage. Maybe I should eat before I leave the house. Not much, just a piece of toast. Then I won't be so cranky.

10:44 am

At least there's good parking.

10:45 am

Okay, yes yes yes spinach pochette, potato soup, cheese str-no cheese straws. No cheese straws! My perfect La madeliene meal is ruined. No cheese straws?! How else am I going to eat my soup if not with cheese straws? What will I do?

10:46 am

I'll have the spinach pochette, the potato soup, and a potato galette as well, please. Yes, I know it's a lot of potatoes, don't give me that look. I'm not a low carb diet like everyone else in this universe. I'm a vegetarian, and so help meif you say ANYTHING about what broth this soup was made with I will rip off your arms.

10:48-11:26 am

Potato sooooooooooooooooup. Puff paaaaaaaaastry. Mmmmm yay mmmmmm . . .

11:27 am

I should go check out if my glasses are in yet.

11:45 am

Okay, so this is what dept perception is. Depth perception is giving me a headache. Wow, this road is so LONG! It's the long and winding road. The road goes on forever and the party never ends. Way too many people from high school put that on their yearbook pages. I think they wanted to make it the title of the yearbook one year. Wow, I can see the leaves on trees! That's always the best part about new glasses, except that these glasses have no frames, which is pretty damn cool! I look HOT! DAMN HOT! Okay, not really. But the glasses are badasses. That totally rhymes.

12:00pm

Okay and today's rerun of Deep Space Nine . . . sucks. I hate this one. Oh, but I can watch the movie I rented from Blockbuster a week ago. Thank god for this new movie pass thing. If it didn't cost $30+ bucks I'd do it every month.

12:08 pm

Toni Collete rules.

1:02 pm

Wait, the guy DIES? How the fuck did he die? He just jumped in the freakin' water? How did this happen?

1:48 pm

Okay, that movie was weird. Did I like that? I don't even know. It was good acting, but really slow. I don't think I liked it, but I'll reserve my judgment in case someone I want to sleep with really liked it.

2:12 pm

Mom's calling. Should I answer? . . . Yes. Hi Mom! What? WHAT? Oh, right. Um, thanks.

2:14 pm

Wow. I totally forgot it was Bloomsday. I bet Vicki's off celebrating in Ireland right now. I should call her and call Teach over in New York. Wish her a happy Bloomsday.

2:15 pm

What did Mom say? The 100th anniversary of James Joyce? People always get that wrong. 100th anniversary of the setting of Uly-the day that Uly-the day that Joyce chose to set Ulysses on? The day on which Joyce chose to set Ulysses? The action of Ulysses? Hmmmm . . .

2:30 pm

I should get back to Austin before traffic starts getting bad. Okay, remember, laptop, cell phone, wallet, shoes, books, keys, Japanese thingie that Shkbob bought in Disney World back in January that she just remembered to give me yesterday, and oooooh, I can switch out the tapes.

2:36 pm

What the Hell is this? Why is their all this crap outside Blockbuster? Are they installing new shelves? Why do they nee-never mind, just going to park.

2:37 pm

How did I not notice I crossed caution tape? Did the wind blow it up? Will it blow it up again when I want to leave?

2:38 pm

Hi, are you open, can I get new movies? Good. If not I would have kept the old ones and watched the special features. I was thinking about it for Casa de Los Babys.

2:39 pm

Millenium Actress aaaaaaand Shattered Glass. Works for me.

2:41 pm

Okay, backing into the caution tape and I'm going to rip it off so I'm just going to turn around and go forward so that the tape slides harmlessly over the front of my car aaaaaaaaand we're clear.

2:42 pm

Ozomatli is good enough for the drive home.

2:54 pm

Coming to the exit where I had the big wreck. Taking the big exit slowly, slowly, SLOWLY, and I'm okay.

2:55-3:33pm

(Singing along to Ozomatli in fractured Spanish, please listen to their "Embrace the Chaos" CD to get a sense)

3:33pm

And we're done with Ozomatli. Anything I want to listen to write now? Patty Griffin? Too sedate. Velvet Underground? Too dark. Tori will have to do.

3:34pm-3:46pm

(Singing along to songs from Tori's "Scarlet's Hidden Treasures" CD, available with purchase of DVD)

3:47 pm

Hi Sal! Hi Lynda! Hi Dad!

3:52 pm

Goddamit, how did I lose all three ebay auctions? Seriously, who bid on the original cast recording of Company while I was away?

3:56 pm

Ooooh, Betty Bowers has new stuff up! Hah! "I'm on a no carb diet: Cheney, Ashcroft, Rumsfeld, and Bush (and absolutely no Rice)" THAT is funny. I need that bumper sticker. After I drive through West Texas to California, I will get it.

4:06 pm

Time to read my book. The Well World chronicles friggin' RULE!

5:00 pm

BBC World News, thank you for giving the idiots in our administration what for.

5:16 pm

Humanitarian aid to Saddam? Oh, Sudan!

5:17 pm

Oh my God, these poor people! OH MY GOD THAT POOR BABY I am going to cry I am going to cry because that baby is starving and all I want to do it go to the Sudan and give it some milk and hold it and sing to it and why the fuck aren't we doing anything about this why aren't we helping oh yeah because when try to go in and overthrow regimes we just set up new ones or start civil wars oh God what is the deal with humanity oh that poor poor baby I just want to go hold him so bad I am crying I am sobbing DON'T TELL ME HE FUCKING DIED HOURS AFTER YOU FILMED THIS oh jesus why.

5:21 pm

Write about Joyce or about the Sudanese? Joyce or the Sudanese? joyce or the Sudanese?

5:30 pm

When there's trouble you know who to call . . . TEEN TITANS!

6:00 pm

And today's rerun of Star Trek: The Next Generation . . . sucks. Damn second season. Hurry up and get to season three, it got good then. Ah well, time to write my entry. I'll do Joyce today and the Sudanese tomorrow.

6:02 pm

Oh, Narami, that is so sweet, you totally rule.

6:03 pm

Okay, I'll start with something about how everyone gets Bloomsday wrong.

6:12 pm

Okay, time to delete everything I just wrote.

6:29 pm

Okay, time to delete everything I just wrote.

6:43 pm

Okay, time to delete everything I just wrote.

7:01 pm

I'm going to try this later.

7:26 pm

Okay, eat first or do yoga, and what to eat? I've been craving Thundercloud since The Ladeeleroy show, but that would require decent pants so let's check the fridge.

7:27 pm

Goat cheese. Thank God.

7:29 pm

Goaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat cheeeeeeeeeeese

7:30 pm

Matrix Reloaded, yet again. Well, I can read while I watch it.

8:12 pm

I said it before and I'll say it again: The Well World chronicles friggin' RULE!

9:00 pm

Do yoga or watch Comedy Central? Watch Comedy Central.

9:42 pm

Oh Wiegel, you're such a nut. Reno 911 is the coolest.

9:55 pm

Okay, I'll do yoga while watching The Daily Show.

10:06 pm

Jon Stewart, you might be America's last, best hope.

10:08 pm

Philadelphia! It's about Philadelphia! I wish my friend were here so I could say "I've been there! I've been there!" Yeah, PMA! Ooooh, that's Afterwords! I've TOTALLY been there! Once, but it was a memorable night because that's when Andy started dating Rob which was annoying because I was attracted to both of them. Story of my fuckinJIM'S CHEESESTEAKS! Aw, yeah!

10:32 pm

Okay, since The Daily Show mentioned Bloomsday, it is your duty as a potential Joyce scholar to write about it, so go downstairs and get to typin'!

10:35 pm

Here we go: Presenting potential Joyce scholar Notorious RRZ's thoughts on what was neither the 100th anniversary of the publication of Ulysses nor the 100th anniversary of the birth of James Joyce, but in fact the 100th anniversary of the day on which Joyce chose to set the action of Ulysses:

11:04 pm

Better put some Japanese Story spoiler warnings up or someone will yell at me. I should also mention that Toni Collette's in it because people might only know it as that Toni Collette movie they wanted to see last year. Toni Collete is the bomb diggity.

11:35 pm

Hey, i'll just copy and paste the opening lines. It'll be like 100 years of Solitude.

11:38 pm

I wonder if there's a day to celebrate 100 Years of Solitude. What would they call it? Ooh, and it's been 100 years since the day Joyce chose to set Ulysses on! Coincedence? Or the workings of the subconcious mind that were exactly what JOYCE HIMSELF WANTED TO BRING UP IN ULYSSES I AM A FUCKING GENIUS!!! HA HA HA!!!

11:40 pm

I'm writing this at 11:40pm. We're at now now. It's just like that moment in Spaceballs OOPS, it's 11:41pm

11:41 pm

Ha ha ha, I win again! I win I win I win! This, ladies and gentlemen and the transgender of all ages has been the thoughts of a potential Joyce scholar on Bloomsday

11:42 pm

which has been explained enough to you. If I were following the pattern of Ulysses, and I so haven't been so far, I would end the entry with a series of free form affir

11:43 pm

mations designed to give the reader a sense of completeness and hope. The first time I got through the damn thing I felt amazing, all due to the way that the book ends with Yes. At the end of all the unanswered questions and the wrong answered questions,

11:44 pm

there's still a Yes, and it is worth trudging through hundreds of pages of virtually incomprehensible text to discover that the lives of the people of Dublin in a single day hold more

11:45 pm

truth than the story of a man who has killed so many in a pointless war, and who is willing to let his men die so that he can get home and kill more men upon his arrival, and if that isn't a topical

11:46 pm

subject than I don't know what it. I recommend getting together with someone who knows what they're doing and reading this incredible book, because it's going to take me an additional five years of

11:47 pm

graduate school to do it justice. This goes out to my Joyce teacher, Dr. Vicki Mahaffey, with all my love and with severely cramped hands. Yes.

11:49 pm

FORGOT TO ADD THE TITLE SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

11:50pm

Hurry up and LOAD!

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