Get your ow
n diary at! contact me older entries newest entry
The SmartBra(tm) and the Schwarzenegger

2003-10-08 - 2:45 p.m.

I begin with a quote from the Governor Elect of California:

"As much as when you see a blonde with great tits and a great ass, you say to yourself, 'Hey, she must be stupid or must have nothing else to offer,' which maybe is the case many times. But then again there is the one that is as smart as her breasts look, great as her face looks, beautiful as her whole body looks gorgeous, you know, so people are shocked."--Arnold Schwarzenegger in an interview with Esquire Magazine.

First of all, Mr. Schwarzenegger, on behalf of every blonde I know, fuck you.

Second of all, "as smart as her breasts look?" Huh? All I can think of is a woman with lines from Shakespeare tattooed on one breast and astrophysics equations tattooed on the other. Those would be some pretty smart breasts. Or maybe he was thinking of breasts in a really great bra, one that really supported the breasts and eliminated any back strain, and made the woman feel comfortable and confident. I imagine a commercial with two women getting ready for work, one of whom is like a senior executive somewhere and the other is younger, like fresh out of college, but the younger one is wearing this SmartBra(tm), and then they're walking on the street and pass each other going into their offices and the senior exec can just tell that this other woman has on the perfect bra, and as they pass she turns around, gives the younger woman a knowing wink and says, "Hey lady . . . smart breasts." And then the younger woman smiles, and tosses her head back, and maybe even kicks one of her legs up. It would make millions. I so should be in advertising.

Sorry, but that's the only image that can keep me from losing my sanity in the face of the election of a candidate who is smug, stupid, blatantly misogynist, reportedly racist, and grossly underqualified. As in, never held a job like this, ever. I mean, at least Dubya pretended to run Texas! Is it so wrong to ask that he be, I don't know, a mayor for a year? A comptroller? Something. I mean, when the only thing keeping someone from being outed as an evil bigot with Napoleonic (if not Hitleric) aspirations is the fact that he can't put together sentences that are coherent enough to confirm his opinions, you need to not only refrain from voting for the guy, but you need to find his supporters and throw buckets of water on their heads.

In one of those ironies that makes life worth living for some and suicide worth contemplating for others (I fall into both categories, depending on what else has happened that day and whether or not I had a good breakfast) the reason for "Why this happened?" came to me from the mouth of a blonde who was saying some very stupid things. You may remember this woman from yesterday's entry; she was the one who asked me if I'd ever noticed that ethnic restaurants have dirty bathrooms, and who continued, even after I said, "No, I haven't," to tell me that it was understandable considering the hygeine standards of people from other countries, particularly those that America had been invading/launching invasions from/bombing recently. We were talking about partisan politics, specifically the recent attempts by Republicans in the Texas State Legislature to redraw the congressional districts to ensure that Republicans will now and forever control the legislature, and the Democratic reponse, which has been to boycott work and hide out in neighboring states so that voting cannot be held. I said that it was things like this made me wish we'd followed Washington's advice all those centuries ago and stayed away from political parties. Ms. Aren't-Bathrooms-Run-by-Brown-People-Dirty said, "Yeah, but that'll never happen. I mean, parties are a way of people figuring out who to vote for. They don't want to take the time to find out how each candidate stands on the issue."

It's only depressing because it's true, even of me.

See, I don't want to work. I don't want to get up in the morning and shave and look presentable, and I don't want to spend all day in front of the computer answering phones and typing up contracts and hiding the fact that I write this when people pass by. But I want to eat, and buy things, so I do what I have to do, and when I get things done, I feel good.

I don't want to exercise, either. I hate sweating and I hate taking time away from the things I really love to do, like reading or hanging out with friends. But I want to be healthy and look my best, so I do yoga or aerobics or I swim, and I always feel good afterwards, particularly if there's a big glass of tea and something snacky, like some mixed nuts or a cookie, waiting for me afterwards.

And I don't want to wade through the candidates. It's annoying to even think about making a list of the issues I care about and how I feel they should best be dealt with. There are far too many debates inside my own head for me to listen to for me to tune in to all the debates going outside, not to mention the fact that I work and exercise and apply to grad schools and study for GREs and want to have a life, and when all is said and done I'm still running low on money and feel out of shape and can barely get the applications done on time and still have another GRE to study for and am always having to blow off one friend or another whom I haven't seen in weeks or whose e-mails I have forgotten to reply to and wish that I could spend more time figuring out what things I really want to do so I can do them. Whew!

So I don't research, and last week I forgot to vote. And a law passed limiting the amount a person can be awarded in a malpractice suit. I didn't like this law, but I didn't do anything about it. Yeah.

For all my life I've been a Democrat, and now I'm so sick of the Democratic party's spinelessness, smugness, and ignorance of the left that I can barely find one worth voting for. I've met Republicans who seem genuinely concerned with the welfare of the country, but too many of them eventually have to tow the party line on issues like gay rights, which, as one might imagine, are very important to me. I wish that a group of Democrats and Republicans who are just as annoyed with the way things are as I am would get together and invite some hard-reasoning Greens and Libertarians into a room with them, and debate and debate and debate and actually listen to each other, and come out a few days late with a new political party that wasn't run by a megalomaniac like Perot, who offers up a candidate with more charisma than Nader. They could call it the FUBAR party, because America is certainly Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition and it just might take all of us actually listening to one another to make it recognizable again.

I'm not holding my breath, and in fact I am not changing my allegiance from the Democratic party anytime soon, because I think political parties and their platforms have forced a lot of people to make decisions about civil rights that they wouldn't have had to had it just been them running on their own, or voting for independent candidates. For example, I think that the Democratic party has done a lot to advance civil rights by counting on votes from people who wouldn't vote for the party founded by Lincoln. I will pray for a candidate willing to say screw you to both parties not in the determined outsider way of a Nader, but in the "I don't want to have to listen to either of you because I want to be able to listen to both of you" way of, well, of no one I've encountered lately.

And when someone comes around claiming to be that person, I will check their background at every step. I will make sure they are offering something more than just what I want to hear. And I will remember to vote, and to research candidates, and I will try to listen to the side of arguments I don't agree with, and I will encourage/force people I know to do the same, not because I want to, but because of what will happen if I don't.

Because once upon a time in the land where Schwarzenegger was born, some guy stood up and said he had a plan, and everyone believed him, and didn't care what he had to do to make their country strong again. And I intend to make sure my breasts, and breasts all over America, are smarter than that.

0 comments so far

previous - next

The End - 2005-02-11
Let's Go on With the Show - 2005-01-30
The Curse, and This Bee's a Keeper - 2005-02-01
Sisters Lolita and Matronic Explain It All for You - 2005-01-31
Cowboys and Medievalists - 2005-01-30

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!